The Complex Dynamics of Marriage Choice in Kashmir

By Mir Muntazir

Traditionally, Kashmiri families take pride in giving their daughters a say in choosing their life partners. However, a closer look reveals a more intricate web of societal expectations and familial control.

While the facade of freedom is maintained by allowing daughters to meet prospective husbands, the actual decision-making power often lies with the patriarchal figures in the family. Factors such as caste, class, religious background, and financial stability play a significant role in determining the suitable match, relegating the daughter’s voice to a secondary consideration.

In this nuanced environment, consent becomes more symbolic than real, with daughters facing subtle pressures and emotional manipulation to conform to familial expectations. Refusal is often met with resistance, guilt-tripping, and societal norms that reinforce the status quo.

The traditional gender roles further perpetuate this imbalance, portraying fathers as rational decision-makers and daughters as emotional and naive. By the time the daughter is expected to express her choice, the framework of decision-making has already been skewed against her autonomy.

While modern influences and discussions around women’s rights have brought about some shifts in attitudes, the core dynamics of marriage choice in Kashmir remain deeply rooted in patriarchal control and societal norms.

Empowering daughters to make genuine choices in marriage requires a fundamental shift in how families perceive and respect their autonomy. It is not enough to offer token gestures of consent; true empowerment lies in allowing daughters to shape their own destinies without fear or coercion.

Ultimately, the journey towards true choice in marriage is a complex one, with far-reaching implications for gender equality and societal progress. Only by dismantling the existing structures of control and fostering a culture of genuine consent can we truly empower women to lead lives of autonomy and fulfillment.

• The author is a research scholar at the Indian Institute of Technology (IIT) Indore.